Trochoidal Grooving Training with Sandvik Coromant

It is common medical training in parts of Europe to practice the debridement of diseased adenoidal tissue by scraping grooves in the trochoids of certain species of aquatic aves. These structures are vestigial in this genus of birds, serving as one of the last remaining features in common with their saurian predecessors, who would, during combat with mating rivals, open their jaws widely and rapidly pump bursts of blood into the tissue, which would simultaneously cause the trochoids to flare bright red and to slap together. This slapping, known as trochoidal ferientes, would resonate within the cavernous jaws to make a sound much like a Louisville Slugger being knocked against a dugout water cooler.^[1]

In Scandinavia, the most commonly used bird is the Sandvik Cormorant, Phalacrocorax lemmykilmister. which happens to be of about the same size as a human infant of the age when this type of surgery is most often done, as well as being hardy enough to survive the capture, surgery, and subsequent release. In the United Kingdom, the birds of choice are the Avocado Shag and the Harvest Gold Shag, of the same genus^[2], both of which are commonly (and mistakenly) considered to be Kitchen Albatrosses.^[3]

In other areas of Europe and in all parts of North America except for three counties in central Kansas the practice has been banned as unnecessarily cruel. Oddly, despite the fact that neither cormorants or shags are indigenous to Kansas, that state has converted an abortion clinic into a medical school where would-be otolaryngologists spend their internships waiting against the possibility of a sadly misguided seabird turning up.^{[citation needed]}

References

1. ^ Brown, David (08 October 2015). "Pirates player turns cagefighter against defenseless water cooler." CBS Sports
2. ^ "Taxon: Genus Phalacrocorax". Project: The Taxonomicon.
3. ^ Vider, Elise (24 January 1988). "Shades Of The '60s! Avocado And Harvest Gold Are Returning." Phily.com.