White Comanche

Cast

• Joseph Cotten
• William Shatner
• Rosanna Yanni
• Perla Cristal
• Mariano Vidal Molina
• Luis Prendes
• Barta Barri
• Víctor Israel

Inventory

• A deer being butchered
• Two attempted lynchings
• A bar fight
• An inept bounty hunter
• A wagon load of haybales, to be used as instant foxholes
• A cute little boy
• A bandage on the outside of a coat sleeve

Summary

Again, we have a Paella Western. It's a bit surprising that there aren't more of them, since the Spanish film industry was at least as productive as the Italians, you have an endless supply of actors to play Mexican roles, the terrain is favorable, and the Spanish army seemed to be for rent at very reasonable rates when you had a scene that required a number of military extras running around.

We begin with Johnny Moon, one of two characters played by Shatner, being ambushed by a band of men bent on hanging him. Fortunately for him, they prove to be incompetent at that, as well as at shooting. This is good, because Moon is on his way to a Comanche village to meet Notah, the warrior chief and his twin brother

Moon is kept waiting by his brother, who is out leading an attack on a wagon. Moon's come to kill Notah, whose raiding is what inspiring the locals to attempt to stretch Moon's neck. After the two share a little fraternal love, they are about to duel when a Comanche woman leaps in front and grabs Notah's arm. After Notah says that a woman saved him, Moon mentions that if Notah cut back on the peyote, he'd be faster, thus making this a mushroom paella. Moons tells Notah that he'll spend four days in Rio Hondo and Notah agrees to meet him to settle things once and for all.

On the way to Rio Hondo, Moon stops the lynching of one land baron's minion by the minions of another. This provides an opportunity to see Moon's speed with the gun and to provide some appropriate enemies. When he gets to town, the baron, named Grimes, whose minion he saved offers to hire him. Moon says he'll tell him in four days. Later that night, the other baron, named Garcia, shows up, conveniently setting up a lovely bar fight between his brother, who was one of lynchers, and Moon.

After dealing with the brother dramatically, but non-lethally, Moon discovers that his own brother raped the sole female passenger on the stage coach when she attempts to perforate Moon with a Navy .44. The Sheriff clears Moon by saying that he traced the tracks of the riders and that none of them could have been Moon's. When the woman, Kelly, confronts Moon in his room, we learn that the brothers are half-breeds born to a white father and Comanche mother. Turned away by both whites and Indians, Notah starts using peyote which gives him visions of a new Comanche empire with him as the emperor. Since this is the sixties, following a delusional druggie seems like a good idea, so he is able to build a cult.

The next day, we learn that Kelly has a curious habit of bathing in the middle of the desert. After conveniently dropping in on her during this excercise, Moon explains that he and Notah are going to finish things. Kelly returns the favor by pointing out Garcia's brother is about to ambush Moon. This time Moon removes the need for me to keep specifying whose brother I'm talking about by drilling him through the forehead. For inexplicable reasons, Garcia is not pleased by this turn of events and makes unpleasant comments about Moon, Kelly, and the Sheriff.

The Sheriff, smelling a range war, tries to recruit Moon, who blows him off. The next morning, both bands are in town, with Grimes' men in his saloon and Garcia's men riding into town. The sheriff tries to stop Garcia by talking to him, but Garcia simply shoots him and rides on by, so that the two sides can start blasting at each other from across the street. Moon saves the day by raising a dust storm. As the two sides thin each other out, he cleans up until only Garcia is standing. The Sheriff gets the drop on him, completely eliminating both bands and providing a convenient subsidy for the local gravediggers' union. As is the way with these things, Moon and the Sheriff bond over a slug of whiskey. Later, when he returns to his room, Kirk gets the girl. I mean, Moon gets the girl.

Meanwhile, Notah leads his band to slaughter a mining camp and then informs them that they will be going to Rio Hondo to slaughter the white folks. When someone points out that Rio Hondo is about Notah and his brother, Notah replies, in essence, that my problems are your problems. When the conscientious objector sneaks off in the night to warn the town, he is confronted by Notah's woman who, despite being pregnant, manages to out-ride him and ambush him. The two kill each other, but not before the Comanche warns Moon of the oncoming assault.

All of the townspeople leave town for the cemetery, conveniently leaving a free-fire zone for the upcoming events. Moon takes the two dead Comanche and sets them on a traditional pyre. Seeing this, the other Comanches stop to burn the bodies and free the spirits. Notah is nonplussed by this turn of events, but his band say that they will conduct the ceremony and wait for Notah to return. Or not.

The two settle things in the old way, which requires both men to ride shirtless, like Vladimir Putin, past each other, taking a shot on each pass. One wonders how long this has been the old way and precisely whose old way it is. Perhaps there was some sort of guidebook for how half-breed twin brothers settled disputes.

Joseph Cotton was a distinguished actor who had a long career, including his own television show, which appears to have been a courtroom anthology series. He appeared on both The Love Boat and Fantasy Island (twice!), thus marking him as a B-grade celebrity up until about 1980. His most famous role is as the lead character, Holly Martins, of The Third Man. It makes you wonder why he would do a movie like this, particularly since he was in the middle of the busiest stretch of his career.

Ironically, this came out right in the middle of Star Trek's run. It doesn't seem to have had any effect upon Shatner's career. It's rarely mentioned when discussing him, though.

Dialogue

"Miss Kelly, leave the sheriff out of what's between me and myself."

Story

The bits and pieces that aren't clichés wouldn't fill a half-hour. It's not completely terrible, since they didn't mess up anything and the parts are more or less in the right order, but no one will ever watch it twice.

Music

The opening theme is a jazzy big band piece that has nothing to do with a western, but which is catchy, nonetheless. The rest of the music is perfectly fine, if completely unmemorable.

Acting

Cotton does an excellent job as the Sheriff. The women do a decent job as the women in a western. Shatner is actually excellent as Johnny Moon. His Notah as a surfer messiah leaves a lot to be desired. It's like watching the episode Mirror, Mirror. He's trying too hard to distinguish between the two men.

Watching this made me wonder why Shatner didn't do more westerns. He rides a horse beautifully, he has the good looks and his speech mannerisms don't seem out of place for a loner cowboy. The fact that he's about the size of the typical stuntman couldn't hurt and I'm sure that with some practice, he could have learned how to throw a punch and fake taking one, so that all of the fights didn't need to be shot from odd angles.